Celibrity Crush

So there's this guy, and I think he's amazing. He's the vocalist of this one band. He has an awesome style, a bit western glam with a touch of avant garde. His voice is like that of an angel, and is a lyrical genious. He's got the cutest dance moves. Amazing as he is, he doesn't shout it out to the world. And for his name, well it's Brandon Flowers.








I hope to meet him someday. Not in the crazy fan kind of way. But maybe just randomly run into him, at a public place and be like, "Hey, you're Brandon Flowers. I love your music." And we'll have a short convo about how amazing we both are, and how great our outfits look. And then I could say I met a true artist. :]

Like thaaaaat'll ever happen, haha.

The Fame!

I completely agree with Chris Crocker on this one. I have a friend who's obsessed with being famous and it bugs the hell out of me. He wants to be famous just to be famous. I always ask him why he desperately yearns fame, and he always responds with the same question, "Don't you wanna be famous?" I personally don't want to be famous. I would like to have a lot of friends and be known, but not famous.

PS - We were only at the party for a total of 2 hours.

Gawd i feel disgusting just typing this out.

Last night I went to a party, got drunk, and I think I molested quite a few people. I don't
remember everything exactly how it went through, but remember more like bits and pieces of it.

It only took like 3 or 4 beers for me to get tipsy. Then I took maybe 2 or 3 shots of Captain Morgan and probably another beer and I was drunk. It's been so long since I've drank, I'm a lightweight again.

As I socialized with different persons and took some pictures with some girls I felt like I was having the time of my life. Martin [the guy who took us to the party] is gay and I think had a thing for me, nothing too serious but it made me horny. Not sure yet if I'm gay or not, or maybe even bi, I just went along with it. It started with bites on the cheek and then eventually full blown making out. When things got too hot to handle we had to ditch the party. Apparently from what I remember one of Martin's friends say, "People are staring" but what the fuck did I care, I was drunk. Then in the car on the way home, I behaved more sexually than I ever have before. I remember Martin being in the front seat reaching back, I think caressing my face as I sucked on his finger, then I reached forward and he sucked mine, but it was only for a few seconds that it lasted. Then he eventually reached down to my pants. The girl next to me kept slapping his hand away, but there was no stopping him. I for some reason thought the girl next to me might have been jealous I proceeded to kiss her neck and suck her ear. I think I even reached for a breast at one point but my hand was rejected with a big slap. Not really thinking clearly and caught in the moment I unzipped my pants as Martin was still caressing my dick. I pulled my penis out as Martin proceeded to stroke it. It felt great. I was still sucking that girl's ear at this point. It was like the start of what could have been a threesome. And I think Aaron saw this, he was either disgusted, embarrassed, or just starstruck. That's when Martin laughing this whole time in that giggle voice of his retreated his hand, and i put my penis back in my pants. I think that's when we arrived at Aaron's house. And this is just the beginning.

I was too drunk to even walk straight. I walked into Aaron's house, straight to his bedroom trying to avoid his family seeing the drunk mess I was. I laid on the floor, hornier than ever. Aaron walked in and he lay beside me. We whispered about gawd knows what, for quite a bit. But I do remember whispering to him, "I wish Martin was here so I could fuck him in the ass." I'm not sure wether Aaron was sober or not, but since we were laying beside each other, I think I began to caress his body with mine. My hand somehow ended up in his pants, I fingered him for a while and I'm not sure if we kissed or not. And omg, he has a fuzzy ass LMAO. I think he told me he wanted me to fuck him, but I don't think I even had the energy to do so. I think I said we should cuddle LOL. I knocked out on his floor and I woke up a quarter before six. Surprisingly he was already awake, watching TV with his sister. I think we talked for a bit before driving home. I took a short nap and went to work. My head was throbbing the whole morning, and I was nauseas too. And I could not get the stench of his ass off of my fingers. That motherfucker has got to douche, because I washed my hands at least 30 times, and used so much hand sanitizer my hands began to sting, and my fingers still stank. His asshole haunted my hand the whole morning.

Well I'm supposed to return some money I borrowed from him right now. So I hope things aren't too awkward.

PS - We were only at the party for a total of 2 hours.

Mixed feelings and Martinis

So I've currently been obsessed with the original NY clubkids. I've almost finished reading Party Monster, [previously published as Disco Bloodbath] which I have about 30 or less pages to read before I find out how it all ends. I'm excited, lol. I also went to a rave with CLUBKIDS as the theme. I've started looking for the movie, Party Monster and Shockumentary so I can purchase them and add them to my collection. I even started club promoting, well not officially, just giving out flyers and spreading the word of an upcoming event. I even got one of my best friends a go go dancing job at the event.

Since I stopped going to school, my days have been pretty empty and boring. For example: yesterday all I did was go to Starbucks, give my friend a ride to school, go online in the library, go to a pawn shop where I purchased a few CDs for 50 cents a piece and my friend sold a very old ring, went to Taco Bell and ate a burrito as I had a lovely conversation about Bill Clinton's curved penis with my friends, went to BestBuy & Barnes n Nobles in search of Party Monster and/or Shockumentary, dropped off my friend at work, picked up another friend at a different school, went to the movies and saw Wolverine, went to my house so my mom could apologize to my friend for calling her a slut, then dropped both my friends off at one of their houses, then came home, jerked off, and read a big chunk of Party Monster before hitting the hay. Wow! Now that I think about it, my day was more productive than I thought, lol. YAY me.

Every time I think about the future, nothing pops into my head. I have no idea where my life is head towards. Hopefully it's success. Well of course I'm going to be successful, but how? that's the real question. Ooooooooohhh, I just realized I'm dressed quite mod. Never thought I'd be able to pull it off, but I do it quite nicely. Now back to my future.... Time will only tell.

PS - The title makes absolutely no sense, [I think it might be a song].

Have you ever felt something so hot, it was cold?

For the past few days I've lived without my laptop. It wasn't until now that I realized how dependent I was on it. Without it I pretty much feel alone. Not because it was my electronic best friend, but because it was my gateway to the internet. Which is where i conversed with so many people, on myspace, facebook, and stickam. It even kept me entertained with videos from youtube, and gossip from stickydrama and perez. And now the latest craze, Twitter. Since my cell phone service doesn't offer a way to update my twitter through texts like every other cell phone service does, through my laptop was the only way I could update it. Until the geed squad at BestBuy say it's all fixed and good as new I'll occasionally, but not frequently, check updates on my step dad's desktop. It'll probably be like once every one or two days.

Since I don't have my laptop, I sort of got back in touch with reality and myself outside the internet world. I even started waking up in the mornings instead of the early afternoons. Today I went out for a jog, which actually turned out to be a walk/jog/walk/sprint/walk. It felt great. I also listened to my zune, which I don't seem to use too much. Then I took a shower in which I thought a lot. I actually thought this whole blog in the shower. Of course it sounded better in the shower, it usually always sounds better before it's typed up.

And about the title; when I turned on the shower the water was so hot, it was cold. For some reason it stuck in my mind. And now I think I'll twitter it before I get offline.

random and feelin irritated/tired/sick

So for the past few days, i've been feeling a real sore, and I'm not sure why. Especially my buttcheeks, but I think it could be the studded belt i wore all day and was sitting on for the part of the day. I've also had a head ache since yesterday. I haven't been eating right either. There's a smell in my room of mayo and cheese and it's bugging the hell out of me.

Last night while I slept I got bit by a mosquito twice on my arm. So all day I've been itchy on my arm and I it's been irritating me all day. I'm doing laundry at the moment and it's already midnight and I have school in the morning which I really don't feel like going.

Yesterday I went out to get some chinese carry out when a scary thing happened. I was driving home and there was an ambulance behind me with it's sirens on and everything so I started to stop but it kept coming behind me and I got way nervous, I had no idea what to do, cuz I thought it was going to go around me, but my dumbass forgot that I was supposed to stop on the right and outter part of the street. I was stopping in the middle of the street to my left. But I quickly pulled to the left as soon as I could and the ambulance dashed right beside me. There was an accident only a block down and I swear I was thinking maybe I could in trouble for having stopping in the middle of the street instead of the outside of it. And before I started to drive forward once the ambulance had stopped me, I saw a cop that was at the stoplight which I swear I thought I was going to get pulled over for doing such a dumbass thing, but luckily I didn't. I felt so scared cuz before I pulled to the right the ambulance was going so fast right behind me I thought it was gonna crash into me. :S

I got so fuckin high last night..

Last night I got so fuckin high, I scared myself a little. It was the first time I smoked a joint.

My friends and I had gone to the hookah bar [a new place called Casa Blanca (Eddy's Pizza can suck it.)] It was real fun cuz it was a bigger darker place with loud music and huge plasma tvs showing Arabian channels. At one point there was a bellydancer going around the place showing off her moves. The people there were way chill. We met some guys who wanted to party with us if we got some single ladies to tag along, too bad we failed at that, so we didn't get shitfaced last night. It was almost 2am but we didn't want to end the night, we wanted to do something after. Luckily my friend's friend had a stash of bomb pot in his truck. So we went to a dark and deserted park by my other friend's house to smoke the joint. As I took a few hits from the joint, I could feel nothing but the strong taste of burning marijuana in my throat. It wasn't real appealing. Once the joint was all smoked out my friends told me to sit on this small pole that had a platform on it which little kids use to spin each other. As my friend was spinning me round and round I was holding on for my life. I could swear I could feel the whole world turning. I didn't know whether I was upside down or right side up, spinning horizontally or vertically. I was a bit scared but I could not help but to laugh hysterically.

Once the playground toy stopped spinning, I tried standing up. It was the hardest thing in the world to do. Everything kept spinning round and round as if I was on a merry-go-round going 5 times the regular speed. I tried holding on to my friends but at the same time I didn't because it felt weird to touch them. I could feel my hands and arms feel numb. When I would try and hold on to them, I couldn't really feel them, I remember blurting out at least 2 or 3 times, "I wanna hold you but I cant, cuz you feel fake, like a teddy-bear." I also remember my friends feeling so perplexed as to what the fuck was wrong with me. To try and stop the world from spinning around me, I sat down and then layed down on the pavement. I felt apeace. But as I got up things got blurry again.

I knew I was in no condition to drive back home, but I had no choice. Once I got in to my car with my friend Cashawna in the passenger seat beside me, I calmed myself down and finally tried to focus. It was hard to focus when all I wanted to do was to sit back and relax. I began to drive towards Cashawna's house when I got more and more paranoid, nervous, and scared. I wanted to be home so bad so I could just crash, but I still had to drive a whole 8 miles back home. As I drove I couldnt really feel my foot on the pedal, the only way I knew I was going at a set speed limit was if I kept looking back at my speedometer. I could feel a tingly sensation throughout my body the whole way back home. My entire body had almost gone completely numb, which scared me even more. I could barely feel the steering wheel so it was a challenge to keep the car straight. As I drove I remember talking to myself and gasping for air constantly. I knew Cashawna was scared, I could hear it in her tone that she was a bit nervous. But as the awesome friend that she is, she kept her composure, and gave me positive feedback on my driving. The moral support helped out a lot.

Once I dropped her off at her house I took a deep breath and focused. As I drove I could feel everything in the world going in slow motion. My mind raced with ideas faster than before. I was desperate to go home, but it was hard to focus cuz so many things distracted me. All my senses were immensly hihgtened. I could hear every little sound louder than before, the wind coming from my window sounded like a tornado. Every bump I drove over felt like a hill. I was being super cautious and tried to make sure I made every stoplight correctly. But it was hard because when I put my foot on my brakes it felt as if I was stopping for at least 2 minutes. It felt like I was waiting an eternity everytime I was stopped by a red light. Because everything was moving so slowly I could swear it was as if I was just walking. I noticed I would speed a little as if try to make things go faster, but I quickly quit that to not attract any cops. The worst part was that I felt lost, because I would randomly forget what street I was on and which way I was going cuz everything seemed so unfamiliar.

I was finally a few blocks from my house, and I felt a bit relieved. I still didn't lose any focus. I wanted to make it all the way home before I took a breather. When I was finally home, I was still a bit paranoid. I kept thinking, what if my stepdad see's me high? is he waiting for me? why are the outside lights on? do i smell like pot? are my eyes dialated? am i walking straight? is my sober act believable? luckily everyone was dead asleep, so I went into my room with no problem. Before I hit the hay I took off all my clothes except for my underwear cuz they were bugging me. I still had that tingly sensation throughout all my body. I finally got to crash

Today I woke up late and was 45 minutes late for work. My boss didnt mind too much because it wasnt too busy and I had worked a double shift yesterday [and I had actually covered her shift for her] so she let it slide. Through the whole day I could not do anything at a fast pace everything I did was so calm and I was not rushing at all. When I was busy I wanted to hurry to take orders at some tables but instead of dashing to the tables like I usually would, I calmly walked to the tables.