random and feelin irritated/tired/sick

So for the past few days, i've been feeling a real sore, and I'm not sure why. Especially my buttcheeks, but I think it could be the studded belt i wore all day and was sitting on for the part of the day. I've also had a head ache since yesterday. I haven't been eating right either. There's a smell in my room of mayo and cheese and it's bugging the hell out of me.

Last night while I slept I got bit by a mosquito twice on my arm. So all day I've been itchy on my arm and I it's been irritating me all day. I'm doing laundry at the moment and it's already midnight and I have school in the morning which I really don't feel like going.

Yesterday I went out to get some chinese carry out when a scary thing happened. I was driving home and there was an ambulance behind me with it's sirens on and everything so I started to stop but it kept coming behind me and I got way nervous, I had no idea what to do, cuz I thought it was going to go around me, but my dumbass forgot that I was supposed to stop on the right and outter part of the street. I was stopping in the middle of the street to my left. But I quickly pulled to the left as soon as I could and the ambulance dashed right beside me. There was an accident only a block down and I swear I was thinking maybe I could in trouble for having stopping in the middle of the street instead of the outside of it. And before I started to drive forward once the ambulance had stopped me, I saw a cop that was at the stoplight which I swear I thought I was going to get pulled over for doing such a dumbass thing, but luckily I didn't. I felt so scared cuz before I pulled to the right the ambulance was going so fast right behind me I thought it was gonna crash into me. :S

I got so fuckin high last night..

Last night I got so fuckin high, I scared myself a little. It was the first time I smoked a joint.

My friends and I had gone to the hookah bar [a new place called Casa Blanca (Eddy's Pizza can suck it.)] It was real fun cuz it was a bigger darker place with loud music and huge plasma tvs showing Arabian channels. At one point there was a bellydancer going around the place showing off her moves. The people there were way chill. We met some guys who wanted to party with us if we got some single ladies to tag along, too bad we failed at that, so we didn't get shitfaced last night. It was almost 2am but we didn't want to end the night, we wanted to do something after. Luckily my friend's friend had a stash of bomb pot in his truck. So we went to a dark and deserted park by my other friend's house to smoke the joint. As I took a few hits from the joint, I could feel nothing but the strong taste of burning marijuana in my throat. It wasn't real appealing. Once the joint was all smoked out my friends told me to sit on this small pole that had a platform on it which little kids use to spin each other. As my friend was spinning me round and round I was holding on for my life. I could swear I could feel the whole world turning. I didn't know whether I was upside down or right side up, spinning horizontally or vertically. I was a bit scared but I could not help but to laugh hysterically.

Once the playground toy stopped spinning, I tried standing up. It was the hardest thing in the world to do. Everything kept spinning round and round as if I was on a merry-go-round going 5 times the regular speed. I tried holding on to my friends but at the same time I didn't because it felt weird to touch them. I could feel my hands and arms feel numb. When I would try and hold on to them, I couldn't really feel them, I remember blurting out at least 2 or 3 times, "I wanna hold you but I cant, cuz you feel fake, like a teddy-bear." I also remember my friends feeling so perplexed as to what the fuck was wrong with me. To try and stop the world from spinning around me, I sat down and then layed down on the pavement. I felt apeace. But as I got up things got blurry again.

I knew I was in no condition to drive back home, but I had no choice. Once I got in to my car with my friend Cashawna in the passenger seat beside me, I calmed myself down and finally tried to focus. It was hard to focus when all I wanted to do was to sit back and relax. I began to drive towards Cashawna's house when I got more and more paranoid, nervous, and scared. I wanted to be home so bad so I could just crash, but I still had to drive a whole 8 miles back home. As I drove I couldnt really feel my foot on the pedal, the only way I knew I was going at a set speed limit was if I kept looking back at my speedometer. I could feel a tingly sensation throughout my body the whole way back home. My entire body had almost gone completely numb, which scared me even more. I could barely feel the steering wheel so it was a challenge to keep the car straight. As I drove I remember talking to myself and gasping for air constantly. I knew Cashawna was scared, I could hear it in her tone that she was a bit nervous. But as the awesome friend that she is, she kept her composure, and gave me positive feedback on my driving. The moral support helped out a lot.

Once I dropped her off at her house I took a deep breath and focused. As I drove I could feel everything in the world going in slow motion. My mind raced with ideas faster than before. I was desperate to go home, but it was hard to focus cuz so many things distracted me. All my senses were immensly hihgtened. I could hear every little sound louder than before, the wind coming from my window sounded like a tornado. Every bump I drove over felt like a hill. I was being super cautious and tried to make sure I made every stoplight correctly. But it was hard because when I put my foot on my brakes it felt as if I was stopping for at least 2 minutes. It felt like I was waiting an eternity everytime I was stopped by a red light. Because everything was moving so slowly I could swear it was as if I was just walking. I noticed I would speed a little as if try to make things go faster, but I quickly quit that to not attract any cops. The worst part was that I felt lost, because I would randomly forget what street I was on and which way I was going cuz everything seemed so unfamiliar.

I was finally a few blocks from my house, and I felt a bit relieved. I still didn't lose any focus. I wanted to make it all the way home before I took a breather. When I was finally home, I was still a bit paranoid. I kept thinking, what if my stepdad see's me high? is he waiting for me? why are the outside lights on? do i smell like pot? are my eyes dialated? am i walking straight? is my sober act believable? luckily everyone was dead asleep, so I went into my room with no problem. Before I hit the hay I took off all my clothes except for my underwear cuz they were bugging me. I still had that tingly sensation throughout all my body. I finally got to crash

Today I woke up late and was 45 minutes late for work. My boss didnt mind too much because it wasnt too busy and I had worked a double shift yesterday [and I had actually covered her shift for her] so she let it slide. Through the whole day I could not do anything at a fast pace everything I did was so calm and I was not rushing at all. When I was busy I wanted to hurry to take orders at some tables but instead of dashing to the tables like I usually would, I calmly walked to the tables.

FUCK MY LIFE / LITTLE ATTENTION WHORE!

I meant to write about this yesterday, but I lost track of time.

So yesterday morning I went to work as usual, when the worst case scenario happened in front of EVERYONE. It was a horrific scene. I had to carry some food out to a table, but before I did, another waitress trayed the food for me while I retrieved some hot syrup from the cook. When I was ready the other waitress handed me the tray which i placed on my left hand, and I had the hot syrup on my right hand. As I began to walk towards the table I had to serve the food to, I could feel the tray start to wobble a little. Instead of stopping I proceeded. I knew I had to hurry, cuz my left hand was weak and couldn't hold as much weight as my right hand could. And everything happened in slowmotion. A plate with a waffle on it slipped off of the tray to my right, and I sorta tried to catch it with my right hand even though I was carrying hot syrup with it. But before I could even do that I could feel the tray teeter-toter to the left as soon as the waffle fell. I could feel the rest of the plates fall off the opposite end. It happened so slowly that I felt helpless not being able to stop it. You could hear the plates clash, break, and chizzle echo through the whole restaurant. It was so embarrasing I let myself drop to my knees with the trays still in my hand, that I could not look up. Before I could see the entire mess I had created, I could already feel the angryfilled gaze from my boss. I know she didn't show her anger, because she's not an angry person. But she is so stingy and cheap, she can't bare the thought of a plate breaking or food falling on the floor, because she's the one who has to end up paying for it. It's the same for even the smallest of things. But as I tried collecting my thoughts and getting back to my senses, I was scurrying trying the get the scene cleaned up before any more customers could witness the crime scene. Once it was cleaned up, I had no choice but to get back to work and I was still a little jittery but it quickly went away in only a few minutes. As I thought of what just had happened, I felt real guilty. Because whitin the past week or two I would randomly imagine myself dropping a tray full of food in the middle of the restaurant during rush hour, causing a huge scene as everyone stopped to look and stare at the horrific mess I had just created. I guess I sorta jinxed myself, or maybe actually did it unconsciously just for the attention. But I can't say for sure why I continued to walk with a wobbly tray, when I knew something terrible was probable to happen. Hopefully this'll be the last time this ever happens to me again.